Call of the Bell Bird Read online

  Call of the Bell Bird

  “Walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God in everyone”

  George Fox

  Call of the Bell Bird

  A Quaker Travels the World

  by Jennifer Kavanagh

  © 2015 Jennifer Kavanagh

  Jennifer Kavanagh has asserted her rights in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

  published by Quaker Books, 2004

  First published in eBook format in 2004

  ISBN: 9781783017195

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the Publisher.

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  Acknowledgements

  The author would like to thank all the people whose lives enriched this journey. She has made every attempt to check with them the accuracy of what she has written, and apologises for any errors that remain.

  All photographs are by the author.

  For Stephen, fellow-traveller, and for Juliet and Guy, who held the fort

  Contents

  Acknowledgements

  Preface The desert

  1 Preparations

  2 Sol y Luna

  3 The Peacemakers

  4 Doing the Splits

  5 Travelling Hopefully

  6 Home from Home

  7 The 9/11 Factor

  8 The Simple Life

  9 Away Friends

  10 Silence in Bangkok

  11 Converging Paths

  12 Service is Worship

  Interlude No Man’s Land

  13 The Last Pristine Land

  14 Resistance and Renewal

  15 Spring

  Epilogue

  Further Reading

  Further Information

  Preface

  The Desert

  To see a World in a Grain of Sand

  And a Heaven in a Wildflower

  Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

  And Eternity in an hour.

  William Blake

  5 a.m. October 2000. Dawn in the Western Desert, Egypt. Out of my damp blankets, fully clothed, shivering with sleepiness and the cold of the desert air to join an already sprightly Stephen. We scrambled up the long slope of sand to look down on a beautiful empty landscape: untouched dunes, small rocky hills – a vast expanse of pristine golden sand. Distant mountains like isolated islands in a sea of sand and stone and mist. We watched the sun come up, with the moon still high in the sky. We could turn and look at each, in opposite directions, with nothing in the way.

  Ours is a stormy relationship. We had known each other for just five years at this point, and had just come together after a year of separation. During this time apart, we had each been planning a period of travel and contemplation: Stephen in Indian ashrams – he sought specifically religious surroundings – I somewhere in the desert. When Stephen read in the newspaper of monasteries in the Egyptian desert that received visitors, we agreed that this could be a perfect compromise, and a chance to prepare spiritually for the longer journey that we proposed for the following year. Our research seemed to indicate that women were accepted, but we weren’t sure if we would be able to stay together or if staying at all was possible for any length of time. I was still at work so it was agreed that Stephen should go on ahead and sort things out.

  When I arrived in Cairo Stephen admitted defeat. He had been sent from pillar to post in his search for the right place, until he decided to go and look for himself. The “desert” was dirty scrub with the foundations of new buildings; the monastery staff unwelcoming.

  We decided to head out to one of the oases on the edge of the Western Desert and bought bus tickets for Bahariya. And then, by synchronicity, Abdul, the manager of our hotel, heard of our intention to go to the desert and said he knew of just the place. It was just outside Bahariya: a safari camp that in his photos looked just perfect.

  And so we came by bus, with blasting video, to the edge of the desert, several hundred kilometres from Cairo. We brought with us a few books: Aldous Huxley’s The Perennial Philosophy, The Desert Fathers by Helen Waddell, Buddhist Scriptures and T.S. Eliot’s The Four Quartets. We wanted to be quiet, and it was just the place. Staying in a little round brick-built hut, we walked out each day before dawn beyond the scrub into the desert, sat out of sight of each other, did yoga, read and meditated, contemplated the far horizon. When the sun got too hot we came back for breakfast, did some practical chores, had a rest and returned to the desert about 4 p.m., reading, leaning up against a eucalyptus or palm, until sundown. As darkness descended, we lay on the sand behind shrubs, near, but out of sight of, the road. We watched the stars come out and listened to the clip clop of donkeys and carts laden with large bundles of hay and other animal foodstuffs, carrying farmers back from their labours, some of them singing as they went.

  But I wanted more. Having come all this way, I wanted to be in the desert, away from people, the two of us alone. As we researched the possibilities, I was eager; Stephen wary but in agreement. I could see me finding it hard to come back again. I had such a longing for that isolation, sleeping under the stars – it was what I had come for.

  We managed to persuade our new friend Yahyah and his colleagues at the hotel to drive us out deep into the desert and leave us there, picking us up four days later. They would give us a tent for protection against the sun, blankets (they had no sleeping bags) and a supply of water. We went out to buy food in the small oasis town: dates, bananas and tomatoes, flat brown bread, cheese, olives and a tin of beans. Enough for four days.

  Where they left us was not as featureless as I would have liked, but beautiful all the same, at the edge of massive sand dunes, under a line of black granite hills. Alone, with no sound or sight of another human being. Wonderful.

  We soon found that the tent was useless. The camp staff’s experience was limited to organising large parties to spend one night in the desert with a big army tent for protection. Yahyah had borrowed his wife’s plastic bell tent, in which we would have fried. We put some of our stores in it and weighed it down with rocks against the power of the wind. Stephen, who thankfully has the practical gene, had brought string, and rigged up a shelter with our blankets and a stick at each corner, under which we could crawl during the powerful heat of the middle hours. The matches they had given us only lasted for one brew up, so we had no means of heating water, or ourselves at night.

  I wept when we first arrived – at last, stretching into the far horizon, was the golden sand of my dreams, the immeasurable space. We decided on one spot for sleeping, one for washing and eating, and another, up the hill, for lavatorial activities. Such emptiness; such freedom. We soon found a routine: crawling out of bed just before dawn to greet the sun at the top of the nearby sand dune. Breakfast, a long walk, then sitting in the shelter of a rock to read, exercise, meditate, again out of sight of each other, but within earshot, just in case. We came back for lunch, then crawled back under our blanket shelter, to sleep, and read T.S. Eliot – extraordinarily apt – to each other. Cowering away from the sun, grateful for the wind; long hours waiting for the day to cool down. We held Meetings for Worship, just the two of us, morning and evening. They were not always successful, but sometimes by readi
ng from our little book of Quaker Advices and Queries, or by recollecting the members of our Meeting, we would feel them with us, and enter into a deeper silence. I had taken off my watch, content to tell the time from the sun and my hunger pangs; Stephen I knew cheated, and looked at his from time to time.

  Our encampment: sheltering from the sun

  After sunset the temperature dropped. Neither of us slept well – we were cold and restless on the hard ground. But once fully clothed, with a scarf round my head to protect it from the wind, I was reasonably comfortable. On the first night the stars covered the sky with pinpricks of light; a coverlet of diamonds. After that the full moon took over and lit up the whole area. On my night-time visits to the loo area, my path was clear before me, and I stood and looked around me, at first nervous, then revelling in the white-lit emptiness.

  During the day, for the first time since babyhood, I walked naked – for once shedding the self-consciousness of ordinary life, taking with me only a tee-shirt against the strength of the sun. Stephen was amused, and admiring of my courage – but what was there to be courageous about? We were the only people there.

  We treasured what little signs of life we saw: a solitary shoot of grass or other plant, bravely pushing out of the sand; a hovering bird of prey, even some swallows; though we were less keen on the occasional fly that got blown along to us from more populous places. We were intrigued by a very beautiful track in the sand, a lace-like tracery. To our surprise it turned out to be the track of a large black beetle that I had found in my shoe the previous day. Its footprints were so pretty, so delicate, quite unlike the beast itself, but it gave us great pleasure to watch it plodding along the sand leaving its artistic trail.

  And the desert fox appeared around supper time. It was obviously not frightened of us, and only in search of food, but, despite my best intentions, I was scared. He was silver, skinny, a wraith slinking about in the moonlight, and he gave me the shivers. Stephen gave him water and later half-heartedly threw stones to chase him away, but he reappeared every night.

  I read of the wisdom of the Desert Fathers, who had lived in this same desert for many years, seeking spiritual development and slow growth. I read too the Buddha’s eight-fold path:

  Right belief

  Right will

  Right speech

  Right action

  Right means of livelihood

  Right effort towards self-control

  Right attention or collectedness

  Right contemplation

  The Perennial Philosophy, a classic work on the universality of the mystic core of religion, was an invaluable part of our little library. In it St Catherine of Siena is quoted: To know God without self-knowledge leads to presumption; to know self without God leads to despair.

  The desert, our solitude and our reading had a profound effect on both of us. Although bad nights made us tetchy, we did achieve moments of great physical, emotional and spiritual closeness. We felt blessed in being able to share such an experience, and felt our spiritual preparation in Egypt boded well for our larger journey the following year.

  Chapter 1

  Preparations

  For every day will be Sunday to thee, and wherever thou goest thou wilt have a priest, a church, and an altar along with thee.

  William Law

  When Stephen and I told friends of our plan to backpack round the world for a year, responses were mostly envious – “Can you take me in your suitcase?” Some people asked where we were going; a few asked, “What for?” I was 54; Stephen ten years older: perhaps this was not predictable behaviour.

  I was born of a family that travelled – though not always from choice. My mother is Russian, but had to leave St Petersburg at the age of five. Her family then moved on to Latvia and finally Switzerland, where she was brought up. Her first marriage took her to Egypt for ten years, where she met my father who brought her to England. My father was brought up in Peru and, in his work for the Colonial Office, spent a great deal of time in Africa. When I was five we spent a year in Malaya. Travel was in the blood: it was no wonder that I had itchy feet. But bringing up my two children, then plunging into my own business, meant that my desire to travel had to go underground for a while. Once my children were independent, the possibility became a reality.

  The birth of this particular journey lay in a heartfelt need to make connection with some far-flung friends who had been significant influences on my life, especially my spiritual life. I came to recognition of a spiritual life quite recently. Only after my marriage broke up in 1987 did I realise an overwhelming need for another dimension. When, after several years of seeking, I found Friends (the Religious Society of Friends, known as Quakers) my life changed.

  Their practice of silent unmediated worship – no priests, or rather “the priesthood of all believers” – spoke to me. They have no creed – faith is dynamic; what we believe today may not be the same as that which we believe tomorrow. A faith that is lived through testimonies to peace, truth, equality and simplicity. I found a community of independent spirits, taking responsibility for their lives and for the betterment of the world. From a lifetime of feeling that I couldn’t make a difference to poverty and injustice, I found myself among people who were making a difference; in small ways, individuals were quietly showing by example that life could be better.

  For some years after that transition, I assumed that my finding of Friends had come out of the blue – no Quakers in my family – then realised that I had had unrecognised signposts all along the way. In a period of a few months, a series of encounters with people from my past made me realise that Quakers had always been there in my life: I had simply not been ready to embrace them.

  So it was as a consolidation of that recognition that I wanted to pursue other friendships that I knew had spiritual significance for me, friendships that might help to answer the question “Who is there that can tell me who I am?”. There was Samuel in a remote village in Kenya, a young Roman Catholic priest with whom I have been corresponding since meeting at Taizé, the ecumenical monastery in France that I had visited in the years of my seeking. There was Lucinda. Like me, a former literary agent, she had given up work a few years before me, and is now running retreats both in Italy and in her home town of Toronto, Canada. There was Sasha, outside Moscow. We had also met at Taizé, and he had come over to stay with us one Christmas and told us of how tough life was in Russia.

  Martha also came from my life as an agent. A writer and translator from the Chinese, she had fallen in love with Mongolia and now lives there for part of the year. She had set up a weaving cooperative with her own money and was something of a role model for me. And there was my cousin in Guatemala to whom I had always been close; a publishing friend in Sydney whom I hadn’t seen for years and a member of our Quaker Meeting who had sold up and emigrated, and was currently travelling round Australia.

  A second strand of motivation was born out of a discomfort with my own affluent lifestyle. In the world of publishing for nearly thirty years, I had begun to feel increasingly out of synch with the prevailing mores. It was a comfortable world, and an insular one. I felt there were other worlds to explore and other work to be done: it was a dissatisfaction not only with my work but with my place in a “glamorous” arena – a glamour I had never believed in. When I became a Quaker, I found the impetus to move on, to move outwards and involve myself in the wider world. I sold my literary agency and worked, first of all as a volunteer, then as an employee for a Quaker charity in the East End of London, in the fifth most deprived ward in England. I was asked to start a community centre in this largely Bangladeshi area, from which stemmed an initiative to help the mostly refugee and immigrant local women to found their own businesses. Our microcredit programme was born.

  I had also been working with homeless people in central London, people whose lives had slipped out of gear. They were often divorced men who had left their houses to their wives and children, feeling they could manage, then sl
ipping into drink as life overcame them; young people leaving “care” or abusive homes; men leaving prison or the army, unable to cope after the protection of institutional life. After those four years working with men and women who live in this country in poverty and deprivation, I wanted to spend time in developing countries, experience for myself how most people in the world live. I had moved outwards from one world to a very different one. It had given me a hunger to see more.

  Then, as my partner Stephen and I came back together, we began to discuss the idea of travelling, and other ideas came up. Stephen had lived in florida and Hawaii and wanted to revisit them. If we were to go to the States, I could visit friends in florida and I’d always wanted to see the desert in the south-west. Stephen had relations in San Francisco and also in British Columbia to which he had been evacuated in the war. We had both always wanted to go to India, and this became the centrepiece of our trip.

  In particular, Stephen had a strong motivation to travel “among Friends”, to visit Quakers in other parts of the world, especially those living isolated from any local Meeting. We are a small faith worldwide, about 200,000, and generally pleased to receive visitors of like mind and heart. “Travelling in the Ministry” is a traditional form of service among Friends; we would be tiptoeing in the footsteps of many fine people. Despite the dangerous conditions, extensive travel to other Meetings was commonplace in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. In the early days of Quakerism, the Valiant Sixty travelled all over England, proclaiming their faith; some went to Holland, even to Russia. John Woolman came from the States to England, arriving late for the Yearly Meeting of Quakers there because he refused to use stagecoaches which he felt mistreated the horses. Susanna Morris from Philadelphia, who died in 1755, travelled back and forwards across the Atlantic, the last time at the age of 70, despite having endured three shipwrecks on her previous voyages. Nothing that we could do could begin to come up to the valour of these stalwart Quaker souls.